Now Hiring Boss Baby

So, it turns out that once you start making new phrases out of movie titles like this, a visit to the movies becomes a major let-down if you can't find a pairing that works. Life is cruel.

On Being Chosen to Dog Sit

So we have chosen you to look after our pugs... Well done, you, for having won the dog-sitting version of the lottery. By looking after our furry favorites, you are the chosen ones. I hope you appreciate the honor we are paying you. So, this is what you need to know. John Henry The Reverend …

Hell’s Waiting Room

This is where the lost souls wait on their way to Eternal Damnation. It is no coincidence that Hell's Waiting Room is in my apartment complex.

On Buying a Car

Do you have a car? Of course you do. Is it a new car? New cars are amazing. They have more tech in them than my house, and my house is like a technology superstore. But you know what I don't like? Keyless cars. And pickles. But this is not the "pickle post" I'm writing; …

Tongass

So, maybe this is a personality test. Do you read this as "TON-GASS", as my wife does? Or do you read it as "Tongue-ass", as I do? And what does that say about you...and me? I know what it says about my wife. She's too good to be hanging around with the likes of us, …

On Working From Home

What the Internet most certainly does not need is yet another article telling people how to make working from home work for them. You know by now that you need to dress for success, that you need to set work/life balances, that social media is an essential lifeline with the outside world and a defense …

Falling Rock

This is my second-favorite traffic sign. My favorite is outside a prison and warns vaguely about picking up hitchhikers. This one...I think it's very vagueness is intriguing and sinister. Should I be afraid of a specific falling rock? If there's a rock beside the sign, does this mean that there's nothing more to be worried …

The Anti-Toska

Toska: "No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague …

On Birthdays

I've just turned 45 and, as the saying goes, I've never been so old. Is that a saying? Probably not. Anyhoo, there are (at least) two ways to look at birthdays: an anniversary celebration of the day of your birth or an acknowledgement of the end of a year of your life - and a …

1008.5

I know there's a Harry Potter joke just screaming to be made here. I know it. But I've only seen the first couple of movies, so I don't feel qualified to make one. Anyone?