Instructional · Life experience · Ms. Jordan Underfoot · Photos · The Reverend John Henry

On Being Chosen to Dog Sit

So we have chosen you to look after our pugs…

Well done, you, for having won the dog-sitting version of the lottery. By looking after our furry favorites, you are the chosen ones. I hope you appreciate the honor we are paying you.

So, this is what you need to know.

John Henry

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The Reverend John Henry Underfoot likes to be fed extremely regularly. He likes a small amount of stroking and cuddling. He likes to spend his walks sniffing at foliage and chasing after trucks, birds, and golf carts. He will sleep on your bed, and you will work around that.

When you walk him, you’ll be surrounded by fawning crowds … if you want to meet new and interesting people, sit outside a Trader Joe’s with our little hug magnet and you’ll have a whole new set of interesting friends. Or John Henry will, and he’ll let you tag along.

And you can’t keep him.

Jordan Underfoot

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Be aware: on your first meeting, Ms Jordan Underfoot will playfully attempt to bite off your nose. If you’re brave and stand your ground, she’ll maybe learn to accept you and allow you to stroke her head for a minimum of two hours. Be further aware that she will do this with anyone else she sees – your friends and neighbors, complete strangers, police officers, members of the clergy, small children, the great and the good. No one escapes the nose-bite test. She will literally try to Lecter anyone – or anything – that comes into her radius of influence. As she gets older and grumpier, that circle is widening to reach as far as she can see, hear, or smell.

She will also insist on peeing in any new location you choose to keep her. But only the once. Certainly no more than twice. But she’s an old lady, so please understand she’s not going to change. When I’m that old, I’m going to shout and attack random people and pee wherever I want, too.

Whatever The Rev gets, she’ll want too. Until she gets it, then she will probably not want it at all.

She’s cute, right?

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